Do You Hear Me Now?

You are here there everywhere,

You seem to hear me all the time.

You do not fail to fulfill my innermost desires no matter how minute they are,
Even without me asking.

But why are you playing games with me now,
When I need you the most?

Why is my one and only deepest desire still unfulfilled?

A 16 year old delivers a healthy baby boy,
then throws him in the garbage like some old broken toy.

A drug addict has 3 beautiful little ones,
and beats them black and blue for nothing they have done.

A worn-out woman with already more than she can bear,
sighs dissapointedly when she sees two lines are there.

Already a mother of 6, a single divorced woman has 8 more,
Now thats what I call a BABY GALORE!

Where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?

All I want is a bundle of joy to cherish and love,
You alone now can give me the blessing from above.

With all the painful waitings,
My patience is slowly growing into despair!

Too many dramas...Too little time

Too many dramas have been unfolding in my life recently. I could switch off easily and not give two hoots if it was a stranger or an acquaintance. But what do you do if you are misunderstood by your very loved ones who have watched you grow? Shouldnt they know you well enough by now? Shouldnt they give you the benefit of the doubt when you claim your innocence? I'm exhausted. Exhausted mentally and physically. Tired of being judged. Tired of trying hard to prove myself time and again. Tired of feeling hurt. Tired of crying. Tired of staying livid. Tired of resentments. Tired of being in pain. Tired of being sensitive. Tired of being emotional. Tired of not being myself. Tired of losing my identity. Tired of seeing my beloved mum and hubby down because of me. Tired of trying very hard to be accepted. Tired of playing the victim. Tired of being caught in a web of helplessness and despair.

Among this list of tiredness, one thing is for sure. I am not tired of living. I want to celebrate ME. I want to celebrate LIFE. I want to celebrate my role as a daughter, a sister, a wife and an aunt. I want to fight back for my bliss and peace. I want to prove my worth to myself..not to anybody else. I want to regain my identity. I want to get my innerself back. I dont want to be something I'm not just to please others, even if they are my loved ones. This is me. No mind games. No dramas. No facade. No hypocrisy.This is purely me. Take it or leave it. Its your call!