Time will heal my wounds

Whatever my troubles, however grievous they may appear, time will heal my wounds. But surely there must be something I can do to prevent myself from being hurt in the first place. Why should I allow troubles to drain my energy away and make me unhappy? The answer is, of course, that they do not, it is me who make myself unhappy. I realised that there is a solution to all those problems I'm facing. That is to be found by achieving freedom from my selfish desires and by eradicating all forms of confusion and ignorance.

The bubble has finally burst!

For those who have been following my blog from the beginning, you would know that my relationship with my dad has been strained since my teenage years. He couldn't stand me because I would always stand up for my mum. We hardly spoke though we lived under the same roof. The only words I would hear from him were vulgarities. My mum used to tell me that he was the one who chose my name because he was very much smittened by its pronounciation and meaning. I was amused or shall I say tickled by the fact for as far as I can remember, he rarely addressed me by the beautiful name that he lovingly chose for me. He would only shower me with vulgarities. Disturbing names that have emotionally scarred me, till to this day. I'm not innocent either. I have even raised my hands on my dad on several occasions due to the constant verbal and physical abuses he put my mum through. I am not proud of my actions but that was the only way I could defend my mum from his torments. That's all I knew at the age of 8. In my 32 years, I've only caught my dad sober on a few occasions. But to our pleasant surprise, after a volatile family intervention last June, he changed for the better (so we hoped). He stopped drinking and for once, we got to experience the beauty of having a father figure in our lives and for my mum, a husband and a companionship she has been yearning for the last 40 years. Yes folks. They have been married for 40 years. We were on cloud 9 and we couldnt ask for more. Even his counsellor was very pleased with his changes. However, after 8 months of bliss, the bubble has finally burst. He has reverted back to his binge drinking. He is now back to square 1. Will he ever change? I dont think so. Not anymore. Not after all the chances we have given him so far. If he had truly loved us; if he knew how much emotional damage he had caused all of us all these years; if he appreciates how we were readily willing to forgive and forget the past and give him a chance to reprise his role as a dutiful father and loving husband, would he even have had the slightest inkling to revert back to his vice? All I have learnt from this sombre awakening experience is that my dad is a saddist who gloats over his loved ones miseries. He loves seeing my mum breakdown. He loves playing mind games with her. Simply put, he loves seeing her miserable. He knows for sure that if she is miserable, that would make us, the kids, devastated. He hates seeing us, his own flesh and blood, happy. He doesnt want to help himself or us. Do I hate him? No! I sympathise for him. He needs help. The question is how can we help someone who doesnt want to be helped? It shatters me and my brothers into pieces when we look at our mum these days. She has made so many sacrifices for us and our 'darling' father. Doesnt she deserve peace and bliss in her life? How much longer must we endure this? Why must we go through this vicious poisonous cycle all over again? Why was all our happiness short-lived? The special father-daughter bond that I had shared with him for the last few months has finally turned into a mirage. So much for getting a chance, that too after 32 years, to experience what it is like to have a loving father in your life! For all you beautiful souls out there who have doting fathers, cherish them; treasure them cause I would die for such a golden opportunity.


"Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence

My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him

I’d play a song that would never, ever end

How I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree To get my way,

I would run from her to him

He’d make me laugh just to comfort me

Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep

He left a dollar under my sheet

Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him

I’d play a song that would never, ever end

Cause I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door

And I’d hear how my mother cried for him

I pray for her even more than me I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m praying for much too much

But could you send back the only man she loved

I know you don’t do it usually But dear Lord she’s dying To dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Quotes that Provoke Deep Thought from a Soul Level

Teachings of Buddhism

"The ugliness we see in others is a reflection of our own nature."

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world."

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Crossroad of Uncertainties

Crossroad of Uncertainties 1- Being raised in an environment engulfed by the family disease called alcoholism, not even once did I ever think my father would change for the better. But to my pleasant surprise and disbelief, he did and now I'm rejoicing over the existence of a beautiful bond that had left a vacuum in my heart all these years!

Crossroad of Uncertainties 2- Being a slow learner amid two 'Einsteins' in my family, I never once thought I would attain a degree. But to my pleasant surprise I did, that too at the age of 30 and I'm damn proud of myself!

Crossroad of Uncertainties 3- Being the chubby girl with loads of low esteem, I never once thought that I would lose weight and get my esteem back. But to my pleasant surprise I did and now I'm exulting!

Crossroad of Uncertainties 4- Being abused emotionally in a string of past relationships, I never once thought that I would find true love. But to my pleasant surprise I did and I'm now swimming in sheer bliss!

Crossroad of Uncertainties 5- Being born into a conservative and traditional family, I never once thought that my family would easily embrace my inter-racial relationship without any inhibitions and judgments. But to my pleasant surprise, they did with their arms wide open and with so much ease and I'm truly grateful to them!

Crossroad of Uncertainties 6- Being a mother of 0 for the last three years, I never once thought that I, the embodiment of positivity and optimism, will be on the brink of giving up hope to experience the beauty of motherhood. However, today, I fervently started believing that one day(hopefully soon) I will be adding this line to my post, "But to my pleasant surprise and disbelief, we have finally created God's precious gift of love!!!!!!!!!!!!"


p.s: Thank You Karla and Elle for returning my hope, in its full glory, back to me. You have no idea how uplifting your comments were :).

Do You Hear Me Now?

You are here there everywhere,

You seem to hear me all the time.

You do not fail to fulfill my innermost desires no matter how minute they are,
Even without me asking.

But why are you playing games with me now,
When I need you the most?

Why is my one and only deepest desire still unfulfilled?

A 16 year old delivers a healthy baby boy,
then throws him in the garbage like some old broken toy.

A drug addict has 3 beautiful little ones,
and beats them black and blue for nothing they have done.

A worn-out woman with already more than she can bear,
sighs dissapointedly when she sees two lines are there.

Already a mother of 6, a single divorced woman has 8 more,
Now thats what I call a BABY GALORE!

Where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?

All I want is a bundle of joy to cherish and love,
You alone now can give me the blessing from above.

With all the painful waitings,
My patience is slowly growing into despair!

Beautiful Bonding Between A Koala and A Firefighter In Midst of a Deadly Crisis

Firefighter David Tree sharing his water with a Koala that was badly injured in the recent Australian wildfires.

Please do pay attention to how the koala bear holds on to David's hand as she drinks from his bottle. How touching and beautiful! Btw, the rescuers have named the koala Sam. Wishing you a speedy recovery Sam and David may you be blessed for rescuing such a beautiful creature. My heart goes out to all the innocent human and animal lives that perished. May all your souls rest in peace!

Biographies That Are My Compulsive Reads

Bridge Across My Sorrows By Christina Noble: An extraordinary moving story which is both heart-rending and inspirational. Outspoken, often angry, yet profoundly moving, this book is one of the most inspirational stories ever told. Her story is one of bravery and resilience in the face of deprivation and abuse on a scale most would find unimaginable.

Outline- Christina Noble's childhood in the Dublin slums barely merits the name: after the early death of her mother the family is split apart, their alcoholic father unable to care for them. Christina is sexually abused and later escapes from an orphanage only to become destitute on the streets of Dublin. At sixteen she is pulled into a car by four men and raped repeatedly. Later, driven to near insanity by overwork and a violent husband, she finds in a dream the will to fight back. Yet there is no vision of luxury and self-indulgence; instead Christina's hope lies in a determination to work among the 'bui doi', the street children of Vietnam.

And here the most extraordinay part of her story begins, on the streets of Ho Chin Minh City, where destitute children swarm and the rich turns a blind eye. To these needy children, she became, and remains to this day, an irrepressible, unorthodox and staunch champion. You may even check her foundation out on this link: http://www.cncf.org/en/home/index.php


The White Masai by Corrine Hoffman: Most of us might spend a few minutes enjoying a fantasy of what it would be like stepping outside our lives and into another culture; Corrine Hoffman, a Swiss girl, actually did it. This book is a fine piece of meticulously observed social anthropology.

Outline- Corrine Hoffman falls in love with a Masai warrior while on holiday with her boyfriend in Kenya. After overcoming all sorts of obstacles, she moves into a tiny hut with him and his mother in his village, and spends four years in Kenya. Slowly but surely the dream starts to crumble until she flees back home with her baby daughter born out of the seemingly indestructible love between a white European and a Masai. From close shaves with wild animals to the rigours of a substance existence in the bush, disease, malnutrition, hunger, ritual mutilation and overiding it all, a consuming passion for another, almost wholly alien, human being, this is a book steeped in humanity: one which emphasises how much we all share, and how much has come to seperate us.


Marley and Me by John Grogan: The heartwarming and unforgettable story of a family in the making and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life. A bitterweet blend of wild comedy and poignant tragedy. They did not call Marley the world's worst dog for nothing.

Outline- John and Jenny were young and in love, with a perfect little house and not a care in the world. Then they brought home Marley, a wiggly yellow furball of a puppy- and their life would never be the same. Marley quickly grew into a barreling, ninety-seven- pound steamroller of a Labrador retriever who crashed through screen doors, flung drool on guests, stole women's udnergarments, devoured couches and fine jewellery, and was expelled from obedience school. Yet Marley's heart was pure, and he remained a steadfast model of love and devotion for a growing family through pregnancy, birth, heartbreak, and joy, right to the inevitable goodbye.

And of course My All Time Favourite

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: The much talked about book on this blog. You dont need any introduction for this one I hope. Let me know if you do. I will be keen and eager to fill in the details ;)


p.s: I would love to see this list grow so please do share your favourite biographies with all our readers out there. Im sure they would appreciate it as much as I do :)